Bhakti Siddhantas determination for initiation

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Speaker:  Bhakti Vikasa Swami
Source: Sri Bhaktisiddhanta Vaibhava

Bābājī Mahārāja told him, “I once accepted a disciple, but he cheated me and went away. I will not make any further disciples.” But Śrī Siddhānta Sarasvatī was not easily discouraged and again begged for mercy. Bābājī Mahārāja responded, “I will ask Mahāprabhu. If He gives permission your request will be granted.” When after a few days Śrī Siddhānta Sarasvatī returned and inquired, “What was Mahāprabhu’s order?” Bābājī Mahārāja replied, “I forgot to ask.” And when Śrī Siddhānta Sarasvatī came for the third time he was directly refused. “I asked,” Bābājī Mahārāja said, “but I did not receive the command of Mahāprabhu.” Śrī Siddhānta Sarasvatī was devastated.

He stood up and uttered, karuṇā nā haile kāṅdiyā kāṅdiyā prāṇa nā rākhibo āra: “Without your mercy, weeping and weeping, I will no longer sustain my life.” Śrī Siddhānta Sarasvatī resolved that however many times he might be refused, no further would he rotate in the world without gaining Bābājī Mahārāja’s grace. Seeing this young aspirant’s genuine desire and commitment, Bābājī Mahārāja relented. He told Śrī Siddhānta Sarasvatī to bathe in the nearby Sarasvatī (a tributary of the Gaṅgā) and then return, after which he accepted him as a disciple. This was in January 1900.